Feb. 22
Sometimes at the end of the day, I marvel at the fact that I have hair left on my head. As if having four kids, a husband, and two cats aren’t enough, let’s add the fact my 12-year-old communicates on the same level as his 4-year-old sister. I love Andy so much, but I wonder sometimes if the other kids feel shorted because I spend so much time with Andy. I tell the other kids that I love them, and I know that they understand me. With Andy, I never know if he understands. I have to be so firm with him. He needs so much more structure than the other kids. I wonder if he knows that I only do it to try and help him. I think he hates me sometimes because I just won’t leave him alone.

The SLP wants to spend more time with Andy during the day. I told her that was fine. I pretty much say “OK” to whatever his therapists ask. He’s not getting any worse, which frankly, is something to be thankful for. He has had some improvement over the years. He responds more when you talk to him. He’s easier to handle. He’s started to ask for things instead of yelling. All of these improvements have been small. Some parents look for a miracle cure for Autism. They try every new drug or treatment that comes along. The rest of us just accept, despite the small improvements, the fact that our children will never be the same as other children. There are things they will never do or say. Once I realized this, I felt free to love Andy just the way he was. That doesn’t mean he still can’t irritate me from time to time, ok, that doesn’t mean he still can’t irritate me on a daily basis. Regardless of anything he does or doesn’t do, he’s still my son and I still love him.

March 22.
Another day finished! I have stopped trying to plan anything in advance, or even thinking about next month, next week, or even just tomorrow. It’s too much. I just try to take care of today. Today was a great day. The weather is starting to warm up and become Spring-like. We went to visit the grandparents today. It’s only an hour car ride, but still. I was so nervous, but Andy was great! He usually goes crazy when we go up to their farm. Last time we went, two years ago, he threw a tantrum and cried the whole time. This time he was a lot calmer. He didn’t cry at all. He still refused to go pet the horses with the other kids, but that’s ok, I think the horses scare him. Instead of eating inside, we had a picnic in their yard. He really liked that because he didn’t have to sit in a hard chair the whole time. He could rock and shift and wiggle without disturbing anyone. I thought my Mom was going to choke when Andy asked her to pass the pitcher of water. Ok, so he said, "water, please." But that's still pretty amazing.

I love days like this, when nobody fights or cries. It’s just nice when I can be a mom instead of a referee. With four of them running around, it rarely happens, but it’s nice when it does. The older Andy gets, the more I can't help but imagine the very worst. Yet, I am constantly surprised and pleased on days when the whole family clicks. I think Andy's therapy is starting to show.

Proceed to Lesson Plans from Andy's therapist

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